Your self worth is not based on your weight.
I see so many people who are FIXATED on weight – it went up, it went down, it DIDN’T go up or down, I used to be lighter, I’m at my heaviest. And they let that weight dictate their sense of self-worth. I train some people that are the most generous, kind, beautiful, loving people I have ever met, yet they’re so focused on the number on the scales that they can’t see past that to who they are. And it is EVERYWHERE!
When was the last time you ate your food with the aim being to stay at the same weight? I ask this questions of my clients, and they all give me the same deer-in-headlights look. It’s heart-breaking!
We are all the stories we tell ourselves. If I tell myself I can achieve anything, and I truly, DEEPLY believe that, I’ll go out and achieve whatever I set my sights on! And if I fail along the way? Well it doesn’t matter because I KNOW that I will achieve what I set out to. So I’ll pick myself back up and keep on going. I’ll even look at the failure as a success because at the very least I can learn what not to do!
Now look on the flip side. If I tell myself I can never achieve anything, that life is set against me and that it will never happen no matter what I do, what is the most likely outcome? I put in place the exact same things the person determined to succeed will – I plan, I track, I execute. I might even do well for a while because I’m succeeding. But when that first setback happens, my self-talk, my story, takes over. ‘See? I knew I couldn’t do it. Why am I trying? My friends were right when they said I shouldn’t bother.’
These two people experience the exact same circumstance and it REINFORCES IN EACH OF THEM TWO COMPLETELY CONFLICTING BELIEFS!
The reason I bring this up so passionately is because I see SO. MANY. PEOPLE. walking around certain that they can’t do it. For me I see people who want, desperately, to lose weight. This is an issue I’ll go through further in later posts (I’m not a huge fan of weight loss and I’ll explain it better in the future). Unfortunately along the way they’ve dieted. They’ve listened to friends. They’ve had success and failure in equal parts and somewhere along the line that little thought took root – ‘you can’t do this. You aren’t good enough.’ And it HURTS. And I know it hurts because I have had and continue to have that same little thought. And it can fuel us to incredible heights, but also drag us down into the pits.
So not only are there these wonderful people who, for whatever reason believe they CAN’T achieve what they want, that they are fat and that they are a failure, they ALSO along the way have had advice from either some rubbish trainer, some social media ‘influencer’, the news, their friends – the list is endless.
And they’ve been told to cut carbs. Fast. GO keto. Don’t eat past 3pm. Don’t have carbs for breakfast. Do fasted cardio. Do fasted weights. Don’t do weights. Run. Don’t run. Everything. I hear it all. And most of the time the things they choose to do are pretty bloody extreme. If I got rid of carbs from my diet I would probably give it up after 2 months max. I am a highly disciplined person when it comes to food and training, and that would be enough for me.
Then what happens? We eat carbs again. And then? THE WEIGHT COMES ON! And what does that do to our story? It REINFORCES the whole ‘I am fat, I am a failure’ story. And so there is a distressingly high amount of people out there that believe they can’t change themselves, they are destined to be (whatever body shape they really don’t like) and there is no hope whatsoever for them because they tried it in the past and it didn’t work. Or it did work but only for a short time.
Enough about the negative. Hopefully this sets a scene that is real enough for most of you that you are able to relate, at least in some small amount. Because this next part is important.
ALL OF US CAN ACHIEVE VERY NEARLY ANYTHING WE SET OUT TO!
It’s just a matter of finding what works.
I find it so important to start with the above because it puts things into context. Weight loss, muscle gain, it’s all simple. To achieve weight loss you need to be in a calorie deficit. That’s it. I promise. To put on muscle you need to tear muscle fibre, give yourself adequate protein and enough calories. Again, that’s it.
But you know what? Losing weight doesn’t make you a better person. Putting on weight doesn’t make you a worse person. I see a lot of people not dealing with the stress that life can throw at us, so they turn to food and alcohol to help. Or they don’t prepare for the week to come, miss meals (again, stress) and are forced to eat whatever is floating about at the local cafe. Then Uber Eats for dinner. If you do that, I think it’s safe to say you won’t be in the best place physically.
So instead of looking at your weight as the be-all-end-all, look at your weight as an indicator. Of how you deal with stress, how well prepared you are, how disciplined you are, how much you know.
And if you aren’t happy with where you are physically, there are plenty of tools to change it! Just don’t expect life to change because you miraculously lose 10kg from cutting all carbs out of your diet.
Change your habits. Change your lifestyle. Stop following all those fitness pages and setting your expectations so high.
We are all incredible. Just the fact that we are alive is a bloody miracle. So be proud of yourself, give yourself the wins when they come and FIND THEM when they don’t appear to be there. Make a small change every week – start walking, prepare lunch, don’t drink as much, sleep more. And then build on that.
I promise you will not only feel better but your body will start reflecting the time, effort and care you take in your every day life.
Thank you all for reading.
Lots of love